A Ya Vse Letala (and I flew away)- Blestyashi




I think this totally fits my mood, and describes what's going on in my head right now.

See you on the other side, mates. :P

I don't know who to believe anymore.

Maybe I'll just believe myself, because at least I know when I'm lying to my face.

No, I don't want to talk about it.


Three cheers for trust issues....
hip hip horray hip hip horray hip hip horray..... and huzzah...

[Still watching?]

[Watch me fly away.]


(1)"No virgin me,
for I have sinned.
I sold my soul
for sex and gin!"

Some nights, it can really get like this. It's totally worth it.... for what little time I get.

But it still hurts sometimes.

I come home today, to find my inbox full of lovely emails. YAY! One of them even included a zip file with sixteen songs on it. Extra yay!

Then I get a phonecall. It's Dexter Hearts and Flowers. They have a delivery for me.

Peter sent me a dozen roses. Seriously. And I've been grinning ear-to-ear and bouncing off the walls all afternoon. It's great.

Peter, you're the best ever!

<3<3<3<3<3<3

I'm fabulous. Everything is glorious.

On the other, I feel like running, and fast, because that's all I know how to do.

Maybe I've ruined everything forever. Why? Because I suck and can't keep my damn mouth shut. I guess some things are just better left buried. Maybe that was one of them.
It was so awkward today. And he says otherwise, but I feel like I've.. damaged something, like there was some sort of tripwire and I just fell face-first into it.

Curse me and my stupid emo attention-whoreness. I care, I really do. I just... don't know what to do sometimes.

Knowing my luck, everything is going to crash and burn in a big blaze anyway.

I'll get over my emo funk eventually, to you who you are and quite possibly playing net detective and reading this. (You know who you are. <3, seriously, I do. You're awesome.)

I promise, at some point, I will be back with something silly and hysterical and witty. But right now, I'm going to go curl up in bed and pretend today never happened.

Well, maybe first I'll finish my French homework.

maybe.

I"m here for a week, people. So is Kathleen. We're here all week with the three little monsters. Our neighbors check in on us, to make sure we aren't dead, or in the process of killing each other.


We were not prepared for this. We were not prepared for, KEELY, of all people to get head lice.

Ainsley could have handled it. We'd give her ice cream, and it would keep her happy long enough to pick her hair for nits. Tommy, at least has short hair, so fo rhit limited attention span, it would have been OK.

But not Keely. Oh no. Keely is so upset over having lice, that she won't let any of us help her. She screams at us when we try, and curls up in a belligerant ball of uselesness. She gets so worked up over it that she makes herself physically ill. I didn't really want to clean puke off the carpet today, but oh well.

Angel, if you're reading this, do you have any advice? We've already washed her hair, nitpicked it and taken all the sheets down. We got everyone else, too just in case. I just don't know what to do about Keely's behavior.

Thank you.

So, I realize that, of all the folk here...
Two of you don't have anything in the way of romantic advice to offer.
One of you gets pissed off every time I metion I like someone.
And.. Everyone else is a wild card.

There, I think I got everybody on my friends list right there. All.. Six(?) of you.

On to the angsting for advice.

I'm.. over Kate, I guess. Really, all she and Katie do is get cuter, and Kate just made a Facebook gorup devoted to her girlfriend. Nothing is going to happen with her, and I'm only huring myself thinking that it could.

That said, I hav, in fact, moved on.
Now, while I'm here, I'd like to point out that I do not in any way "need" to have a boyfriend to survive. It is not vital to my every day functioning.

That said, it's hella fun to have a cuddle bitch around, and just to have someone that you can talk to.. like.. in a romantic way, I guess. I'm a romantic at heart.

Here's my problem:
Said hopeful cuddle bitch is.. Far away, at the moment. PLUS, when he comes back, it is not usually for very long, and I will be leaving soon anyway, so.. if anything did happen, it's not like we'd even be able to see eachother.

SHCB is also.... An upstanding young gentleman, with dreams and ambitions and is already well on his way there. Clean-cut, but still fun. Totally parent-safe.

And, the biggie: I don't know if he actually feels the same way or not. I mean, we email just about every day now. Actually, today there were like.. five emails.

GAHH! WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!?!?!!

Out of respect for our Meggie-megs, we did not go to see Sweeney Todd last night. That is a definate adventure of the Word-tripper trio. Instead, we went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. It had it's odd moments, but it was amusing nonetheless.

After that, we head back to her house. Well, we head back to my house so I can pick up my crap and take my meds, because I'm supossed to do what my doctor tells me or my cough will keep me up ALLLLLL night. So I do that, while Kathleen's little friends try and break the bathroom door down for.. inexplicable reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with using the bog.

MOVING ON WE GO BACK TO ALICE'S HOUSE YEA.

And we proceed to hang out and be odd. I make a little flow chart about my Kate problem, because I needed the visual aides to keep everything straight. I'm a loser like that, I know. ^_^ Then we try, and fail to watch videos on youtube, because the dial-up refuses to load anything. Also, we look up Mail-Order brides, and surf this site of pretty Russian aldies that ARE NOT MAIL ORDER BRIDES, BUT ARE TOTALLY WILLING TO GET TO KNOW AND MARRY YOU! However, no where on that sight does it say that any of them are also hot lesbians. Also, after muchly searching the internet, we couldn't find a single Russian Girl sight that catered to lesbians. *sigh* it was quite dissapointing.

Somewhere in there, we got hungry, and decided to bake brownies. I drew little faces on the eggs while Alice measured stuff, then I beat the eggs senseless and Alice stirred stuff. Then Alice said "Wahh! it's lumpy!"
I come over to stir out the lumps, and rapidly exclaim that they look like chunks of chocolate. This brightens up Alice muchly, and she grabs chocolate chips out of the cupboard. I almost thought she said they were whole wheat, but I am odd. We dump them in and make delicious brownies. We bake them, and we eat them, and then we watch firefly. It was downright silly, and Wash is so cute with his little dinosaurs. Yaay.

We conked out around four or five this morning. It was much fun.

Rather, my lackthereof...

Because Kate ended up with someone else, and I went for the epic FAIL. And you know what? I miss her. I miss her already, and I wish she were with me, but she's not, because she's with Katie. An dI know, I ranting, and not making a lot of sense, but, after all that, she's the LAST person I expected to hurt me.

I guess she didn't. I'm just hurt.

We're facebook friends now, but it's really hard to look at her profile because it's full of her "Katie Love". The only thing that doesn't acually make me want to boil my eyeballs is the video of her playing Moonlight Sonata, because she's 100% playing for herself and no one else. You can see it in the smile. It's just that... she really led me on, in a way, and now shes not... She's with someone else, someone who makes her really happy, and I just lonely.

I don't know what it was about her. She was special. She was my first girl crush since I'm not telling. She was my first crush since T gave me the ickies about dating.

Why do I even bother anymore?

You know what, this is dumb. I am going to talk to Pam and Brian about this, and then I'm going to make a new post about last night's adventure.

UP NEXT: ALL-NIGHTERS WITH ALICE!!!

Dear Alice, thank you very very much for teh snow, teh day off today was much appreciated.

One less day trying to wheeze my day through gym class. Yippie!!

In other news, I am sick, but not dying, not running a fever, nor puking on every one. And while I'm very glad about that last one, maybe if I had a decent fever, I could have an excuse for that entire Kate and Allie marathon I watched today instead of the lecture I'm bound to get.

You know what? I don't care if she lectures me, because the m;inuteshe asks me what I have to say for myself young lady, I'm going to attempt to respond, and then fail miserably to the horrendous coughing fit like I did every time I picked uo that damn phone.

Thankfully, it only rang a couple times, but if it were ringing off the hook like it usually is when I'm home alone, I would have blatantly ignored it. God I hate phones.

Hannibal, my cell phone, being the exception. Yes, he is named after Hannibal Lector. Yes, he has Alice Cooper's "Remakably Insincere" as the ringtone, (because cell phones are obnoxious, as a general rule). Yes, I am aware that makes no sense whatsoever. Hey Alice! Wanna start an irrational people club?

In other new, I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I have, and I'm only back to complain with my fingers because everything else hurts. Bleck.

I'll probably see you tomorrow, and some of you may even see me half-arse my way through gym class... oh shit. I just remembered, we're testing this week.

I hate everything right now. SO, so much.

And I'll probably go to the funeral, too.

On an almost completely random topic, raise your hand if you know who Brian Deneke was.

And it's considered cheating if you look him up on google.

Apparently, it's a disturbing, creepy cartoon that was banned from television. Enjoy.

Dear Mrs. Shirk,

As you may or may not have realized by now, I am a senior. And, as such, I demand those illustrious twenty snow days that my entire class and I have dreamed of since our freshman year. I'm sure you realize that we dream of this because we are seniors now. Feel free to drop that counter argument about "making it up at the end of the year". I'm a senior, so what do I care? I still get out early.

-M

Meghan, this is for you:

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1020

In other news, I am totally faux-hawkin' it. After spending a day in black friday shopping areas, I think I"ve earned it.

Back on that Robot Lover thing from a few weeks ago....

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1010

Yeah, 'nuff said.

Would post this on the community board, but I have other friends who want to read it, too, so here goes!

As soon as the door had been opened, the general’s personal mages had moved the body to their laboratory and placed it in a box. They set about doing many things with different instruments around the room, and an infant started to cry. They were looking for his spirit, not yet too far gone.
[i]Everything was pitch black. Were the general to turn around, it would still be dark behind him, but, as it were, he was floating there, completely immobile. He couldn’t feel anything, or hear or smell. There was the taste of bile in his mouth, but he lacked the ability to spit it out. He floated there for an eternity or more, trapped within his own thoughts. It was an eternal monotony.
He heard it before he saw it, a musical laughter, ringing out like so many bells inside his head. A figure in the black seemed to dance into being, though is more that he felt its movement, until a Cheshire grin peeled away the black in front of him. Two rows of long, pointed teeth appeared, followed by cat like eyes. [/i]
Hello there, [i] it said, in a voice that could only be described as androgynous. [/i] It’s been a long time since I had company… [i]It’s face shifted in a way that made it appear to be stretching.[/i] But, I suppose, that was the point, though, wasn’t it.
What are you thought the general.
You could call me,[i] it mused,[/i] a way home. I could… help you, I think. Yesssss…
And in return? [i]The general wondered. The demon laughed again, its bell like laughter inebriating.[/i]
Freedom, it replied,[i] drawing out the e.[/i] I’ll give you a new heart, but in return, I’ll need an innocent to use as a gateway back to the mortal world.
I have a son, an infant. Innocent enough?
Perfect,[i] it sang, the bells of its voice ringing out again. [/i] It’s time to go.
[i]Von Dermolen’s ears were filled with the music of the bells. They escalated until they were almost deafening. The demon flowed into his spiritual body, following the weakening path back to his corpse. What was left of his heart began to beat, and knit back together black, dark tissue filling in the holes, power seeping into his body. The demon followed a lifeline to the crying child, the babe spiritually attached to his father. It filled the infant’s body. [/i]
Not nearly big enough yet. Freedom is so close, but too far in human years. [i] The demon chuckled to itself, I’ll have to grow some more. The babe began to grow, his body glowing in a demonic light.[/i]

The general opened his eyes. He was in the mage’s laboratory, and he couldn’t move his body. [i] Demon, [/i] he thought threateningly. The creature laughed in his mind.
[i]I’m busy with your son, master. Give it time to heal you. It used up much of its energy on your heart. A few weeks, maybe a month, and you’ll be better than you ever were.[/i]
The general nodded. He could wait a month.

Um.. Apparently, I'm having some coding problems. Please bear with me.

Deep breath, mom, deep breath.

I got a letter from Western Michigan University last night.

I've been accepted.

YAY!!

So I got this email when I opened up my thing just now. I think you all will find it amusing.

"[Collected via e-mail, October 2007]

I don't just generally dismiss a movie or book just because someone 'says'
it's meant to be something else...but this is worth knowing if you plan to
see it (or plan to take your kids).

"Hi! I just wanted to inform you what I just learned about a movie that is
coming out December 7, during the Christmas season, which is entitled THE
GOLDEN COMPASS. It stars Nicole Kidman and it is directed toward children.
What is disturbing to me is that this movie is based on the first of a
trilogy of books for children called HIS DARK MATERIALS written by Philip
Pullman of England.

He's an atheist and his objective is to bash Christianity and promote
atheism. I heard that he has made remarks that he wants to kill God in the
minds of children, and that's what his books are all about. He despises C.S.
Lewis and Narnia, etc. An article written about him said "this is the most
dangerous author in Britain" and that Pullman would be the writer "the
atheists would be praying for, if atheists prayed." Pullman said he doesn't
think it is possible that there is a God and he has great difficulty
understanding the words "spiritual" and "spirituality." What I thought was
important to communicate is what part of the agenda is for making this
picture. This movie is a watered down version of the first book, which is
the least offensive of the three books. The second book of the trilogy is
THE SUBTLE KNIFE and the third book is THE AMBER SPYGLASS. Each book gets
worse and worse regarding Pullman's hatred of God. In the trilogy, a young
girl becomes enmeshed in an epic struggle against a nefarious Church known
as the Magisterium. Another character, an ex-nun, describes Christianity as
"a very powerful and convincing mistake." As I understand it, in the last
book, a boy and girl are depicted representing Adam and Eve and they kill
God, who at times is called YAHWEH (which is definitely not Allah). Since
the movie would seem mild if you viewed it, that's been done on purpose.

They are hoping that unsuspecting parents will take their children to See
the movie, that they will enjoy the movie and then the children will want
the books for Christmas. That's the hook. Pullman says he wants the children
to read the books and decide against God and the kingdom of heaven.

If you decide that you do not want to support something like this, I suggest
that you boycott the movie and the books. I googled a synopsis of THE GOLDEN
COMPASS. As I skimmed it, I couldn't believe that in a children's book part
of the story is about castration and female circumcision.


Origins: The Golden Compass, a fantasy film starring Nicole Kidman that is
scheduled to be released into theaters on 7 December 2007, has been drawing
fire from concerned Christians. The film is based on Northern Lights
(released in the U.S. as The Golden Compass), the first offering in Philip
Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy of children's books, a series that
follows the adventures of a streetwise girl who travels through multiple worlds populated by witches, armor-plated bears, and
sinister ecclesiastical assassins to defeat the oppressive forces of a
senile God.

Books of the trilogy have sold more than 15 million copies around the world,
with Northern Lights winning the Carnegie Medal for Children's Literature in
1995 and in 2007 being awarded the 'Carnegie of Carnegies' for the best
children's book of the past 70 years. The Amber Spyglass, the final book of
the series, won The Whitbread Prize in 2001, making it the first children's
book to do so."



It goes on for a while longer, mostly repeating itself.

So there is, apparently, a man attempting to sue the Chinese Government right now, for killing his child, and making his wife sterile.

Facts:

In China, you must be twenty to marry.

You need a permit to have a baby.

If you do not have a permit, the government can abort your child [b]while you are in labor[/b], even minutes before it is born.

What Happened?

Well, this man knocked up his 19 and some month old girlfriend, and they married when they were twenty, and he went out to get a permit. BUT he wasn't able to get the right people the right BRIBES, and they forcibly aborted the baby. The mother is so damaged down there, she can never have another child.

Bastards.

Anyway, what brought this conversation up is the fact that I told Dad I was going to the Body Works exhibit for a field trip. He went on a tirade about how they were mostly chinese prisoners, some of them probably Chinese Roman Catholics, who did not consent to be killed, and turning into art to be paraded around the US.

So I just had to ask about the pregnant women. (yes, there are dead pregnant women and plasticized fetuses in the show)

That sent him on a tangent on China's One Child Policy, and the sick, twisted things they do to keep it going.


For the record, China is also in charge of reincarnation, dispite being almost solidly Atheist, and of the stance that humans are souless. (maybe it's just them.)

A while ago, I was having a debate about whether or not abortion is a good thing. She said that when they're are fewer children in chinese orphangees, then she'll be perfectly fine with getting rid of it.

Personally, if China would get the stick out of their ass, not only would there be fewer orphans, there would be less infanticide, forced abortions and so on.

It's sick. I'm sorry, but I think it's sick. Anyone who tries to convince me that abortion is good for any reason besides a severe health risk to the mother without one, I'm going to bring this up.

So.. I'm copycatting Meghan's little hair questionaire.

Only I'm leaning towards different styles. Because I'm a crazy cyberrunk.

Moving on. As many of you may or may not know, I have been toying with the idea of getting a mohawk. Once, not long ago, I ran into this chicka at Planet Rock who had managed to tie up her hair in knots and hawk it. It was pretty sweet, if I do say so myself. And I cannot for the life of me figure out how she did it.

And I have this friend from camp. We'll call her "Gracie" for now. When we first met, she had a mohawk. It was AWESOME. She gave me some lovely advice on achiving mohawk nirvana.

Then there's dad. Who is firmly convinced that all I need is a nice french braid and all my hair woes will be over. And that mohawks were only a fringe fashion of punk and they weren't meant for girls.


And in my own head: Do really I want a mohawk for prom? Will I have to cut it off in Japan (if I go)? Will I still be passable for pretty if I wanna be? What about the days when I want to be invisible? What will I do for SCA events and fairs?

I realise it will grow back. Any thoughts?